Currently Listening In Your Honor By Foo Fighters see related

Im speechless....

Truly speechles...

I went on my OLD site (megdud) just bc i was bored..and i read a few entries...

I sound so different back then. I read those entries and i WANT SO MUCH to be that girl again..i would give ANYTHING to be who i was back then...i had a happy picture with me smiling...the way i sounded was totally different...i sounded happy, like i wasnt hollow, like i had a reason for living...i was happy....HAPPY + ME is something i havent seen in an extremely long time!! im shocked! im completely shocked! how do i become that girl again?...i know i cant go change what happened but i want to be that optimistic girl again...so bad....so bad! it was the worst time in my life then but i still was optimistic...i went shopping with hanna lester that day in an entry...she was my best friend...and dont get me wrong i LOVE kat with all my heart and NO ONE can replace her but i miss that...i miss all my old friends...i still talk to them but they arent my old friends...weve all changed.. i miss the parties at jesse's, i miss playing jerry springer with the duck at hanna's house, i miss swimming at the goodwins, i miss cody and jason beating th hell out of eachother, i miss abby and me staying up late to burn cd's at 3 in the morning, i miss ninh cracking us up with his jokes.... want "the gang" back...i want the old times back.....can we rewind life please?!?! before everything was all fucked up and we were happy? when we would all spend the night together at my house and we would play in the summer air and we were in love with our "guys" and we could laugh and not have all this pain in the back of our minds...i want that back... i want us back......and as much as i HATE to admit it.......i want HIM back....but thats not going to happen...

he was the one thing i promised myself i would NEVER give up on...but hey, ive learned that promises are meant to be broken and people fade away...i just never thought he would......or maybe i just didnt wanna believe it.

Help me yall....where are you at?

EDIT::: im using my old site, megdud from now on....so go to it!!!

Currently Listening Flyleaf By Flyleaf Fully Alive see related

So many problems, so much pain, so many ways to fix it, so many excuses i have not to...

The one guy that actually cares about me, calls me EVERY chance he gets, talks with me for hours, i can laugh with him, trust him, he understands me, he tells me he loves me and even though we dont go out and we cant see eachother..i think he means it....and it sounds SO crazy but i think i love him too..i would never fall in love in this situation, NEVER. But i think i am...and i know if he was still here...we would still be together. And it scares the hell outta me bc im positive that hes the cure for me...why does he have to be so far away?...

W  H  Y  !  !  !  ?  ?  ?

I fuckin hate this!

-meg-

Currently Listening Deathgrip on Yesterday By Atreyu see related

C a n    s o m e o n e    t e l l    m e    w h y  . . .

staying up late

with the television saving me from the silence

&

searching through icon sites

trying to fight away the memories

while

 holding back tears

Is the only place that feels like home??

T h i s   i s n 't    r i g h t  

-meg- 

Currently Listening Deathgrip on Yesterday By Atreyu see related

So i went to graduation. And some people let go one balloon at a time before it started....

And i watched them..i watched them float into the sky until it was a little dot that dissappeared..

IT     MADE     ME     THINK    .

So many things went through my mind. All my friends were leaving, in a few years ill be leaving my friends. And going into the "real" world..gah that scares the hell out of me!..as bad as i hate to admit it..im a dependent person..but ive gotten alot better now that i realize that most the people you THOUGHT would be there for you...arent really there...

Like it or not...reality is..."Its all men for themselves"..

But hey, life goes on right?

I was going to write more but its 3:25 exactly and im tired...

M   U   C   H   L   O  V  E

-meg-

Okay let me say that first of all...if you dont fuckin know me dont say shit about me or to me about who i am or what i do..

The fighting is crazy! Someone tell me WHY were doing it....do you know what i have to say when ppl ask who are my friends....i have to say "other than katherine i have no friends." Now aint that some shit..

So you wanna know how meggie feels....here goes.

Kat: i dont have to tell you how i feel bc you already know..i love you and you are my best friend in the world!

Jess: you are such a great and intellegant person...i love everything about you..you are the glue of group..you make us stick together if we want to or not..which is a good thing.

Mags: i love ya babe...we have our differnces but we learn to get over them but we know we love eachother!

hannah: i dont know what happened...its like we dont even know eachother, wht happened? if its something i did then im sorry..i want us to be close again.

hanna l: we were close for sooo many years...i miss that...

abby:....im not sure what to say...i mean we have our differences also. but we care about eachother..

I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR ALL OF YALL!! i want it to be like the old us...im sorry for everything ive done to hurt you all...please lets fix this...its killing me!

much love

-meg-